Altered Spaces

2011 Edition

1. I’m married to the most beautiful woman in the world
2. But I don’t deserve her
3. I’ve never been more in love with her than I am today
4. And I’m either very lucky or someone upstairs likes me
5. I’m not convinced there’s anyone upstairs
6. Because I’d like to think I’m 100% in control of my own life
7. I’d also like to think death isn’t just the end of my existence
8. I hope and pray my wife, son and daughter are always with me
9. And yes, I pray even though I don’t believe
10. The fence I sit on is quite comfy
11. I like to be objective when I can be
12. I don’t like to judge people
13. And I’m probably a little naive
14. I have almost everything I wanted in life
15. No that doesn’t include an iPad or iPhone
16. It does include my health, my wife, my son, my daughter, job security, a loving family, a house, car and a laptop
17. Yes I’m boring, so boring that I once blogged about mortgages and tax
18. I would like to lead a more exciting life
19. But I would only do so if I could keep everything in 16
20. That will never happen because I’d become an actor and actor’s don’t have job security
21. Can you tell I don’t like taking risks?
22. I don’t gamble either
23. I lied, I’ve spent about £5 on the lottery in my life and won £20
24. I’m very good with money
25. And I like to stay in the black
26. I’m a firm believer that credit cards are for emergencies, not for living off
27. Which makes me sound ancient
28. But I’m actually 34 this year
29. Smokey and the Bandit was released on the day I was born
30. And Star Wars was released a week later
31. I love both those movies and many more
32. But I know I’ll never manage to watch every movie I want to
33. Or play every videogame I’d like to
34. I have to stop myself buying them now as I own too many
35. Which became more difficult when a friend of mine gave me an XBOX 360
36. I want a movie/videogame theatre room in my house
37. Which is in Milton Keynes
38. I love it here because it’s very green
39. Which is something I’m prepared to fight for
40. I occasionally fight lost causes
41. Fighting for something gives me a real high
42. But I would never take drugs to get high
43. I have however smoked four cigars
44. And I was surprised to find I enjoyed all of them
45. I wish I had more willpower though
46. Because my weaknesses depress me
47. And my failings anger me
48. My anger is my dark side
49. But I’m more in control of my anger now
50. And I’d never hit anyone because of anger
51. Fortunately there are plenty of walls, doors and other inanimate objects to hit
52. I will continue to strive to become the person I always thought I would be
53. I blame some of my failings on my childhood
54. None of which is my parents’ fault
55. I think my parents are fantastic and I love and respect them
56. But I wish I knew them better than I think I do
57. One day I will start a family history to pass down the generations
58. I’m sure my ancestors will be thrilled to know their great great grandfather was a software tester
59. I got this job when I left University
60. And was offered it before I got my degree
61. Which leads me to believe work experience is more important than grades
62. I’ve worked in the same office for almost twelve years
63. And the name over the door has changed three times
64. But I’ve not moved more than 10ft from where I originally sat
65. Working with computers and loving Star Wars must officially make me a geek
66. Well that and co-hosting Media Pulp
67. Which also probably qualifies me as a journalist
68. I’m addicted to the Internet
69. And welded to my laptop
70. Some of my friends used to view me as a huge pornmeister
71. And I don’t like being viewed that way
72. I do not possess a single pornographic image (or video)
73. And I think the world would be a better place without free porn
74. I spend almost all my time online reading news
75. I’ve seen so much on the Internet
76. That hardly anything shocks me anymore
77. But I think the world needs a dedicated international computer crime police force
78. And I’d definitely be interested in a job there
79. It saddens me that the human race is so tribal
80. I would like to live in a world without territorial boundaries
81. But I’m opposed to half the crap Europe foists on us
82. I wouldn’t want to live in mainland Europe or America
83. But I wouldn’t mind Canada or New Zealand
84. I would love to backpack round the world
85. I’m very jealous of anyone who has managed it
86. But I will never backpack round the world
87. Because I have a wife who loves luxury
88. I have dreams I will never fulfil
89. But I hope my son and daughter won’t experience the same frustration
90. My wife and I always said we’d have two children
91. After one I wasn’t sure I wanted more
92. But I’m happier with two
93. I will endeavour not to push them to follow my dreams
94. But I’d love it if they were a successful footballer, actor or wrestler
95. Then they can pay for my retirement
96. I really hope I get to see the world before I retire
97. But I’m nervous about visiting places that don’t speak English
98. I spent time in a hospital in Tenerife where they didn’t speak English, I don’t recommend it.
99. I could murder one of these right now
100. I can’t understand people who don’t like ice cream or chocolate
101. My mother-in-law buys me Hagen Daas, she’s wonderful!